Sexless in Chi-City 13: Cool Ass Female

When my nerves are at ease and the atmosphere is chill or inviting I’m at my best. I tend to give off a goofy, down to earth vibe. I’m not really funny or anything but I’ve made people laugh, I read a lot and am into different things so I can weave my way in and out of conversations, so from just feeling good and being me, I got titled “a cool ass female.” Being viewed as the “Cool Ass Female” is pretty awesome. But it certainly comes with pressure. The need to keep that a general definition of how peers view you, make you think about things, sometimes just to damn much. Here's just a short example of how my "cool ass femaleness" was tested.

Almost two weeks ago (when I originally started writing this it was only two weeks) I got a text from an old college buddy (we don’t talk, hang out or anything but we have plenty of mutual friends and ever so often end up in the same place, and once a long time ago went on a date) invited me to a gathering at his house (my kind of fun) however the text started “ my old lady outta town.” now because as a cool ass female I automatically give the benefit of the doubt and think maybe he didn’t mean that like I’m invited solely because his wife is not there, maybe he meant in a general way like maybe she doesn’t like a lot of company or to many of his friends at their house. But as the average girl, I noticed the message didn’t come as a forward, likely meaning he didn’t send the same message to everyone invited. Plus I know that a couple months ago as well as in college he was trying to hit (hit means have sex with in the language of average Chicago Black girl or dude).

My cool ass femaleness, allows me to look at that situation as well as many others I find myself in, from a panoramic view. This married man wants to have sex with me because I have no interest in telling his wife anything, none of his friends can say they’ve had me, which gives me an alluring mystery,( I'm joking here ...um mostly) I don’t want anything from him i.e. money or a relationship and he’s comfortable being who he is around me and I’m pretty much a guaranteed good time because I’m cool as hell, automatically putting me in potential sideline hoe territory, if I was that kind of girl.
So what I did was simply ignore it, the message and the inference and just hung out with a friend. This way old college buddy and I are still cool, and I keep him were I want him and stay cool as hell. (Revised 9.30.10 10:40 p.m.)

1:08 a.m.

Sexless in Chi-City 12: Confusion

The outfit I chose.

Here we go, I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so somebody help me.
I shouldn’t have gone on this date? Not because it was horrible, in fact it was the opposite. Not terribly exciting but good conversation. However, it ended for me with more questions than I set out with.
The main issue or problem is his friend. Yes I know trifling little ole me, but let me explain, though I’m not sure it will make a difference.
I‘d been noticing Martin for a while, we’ve had each others number for years, always spoke to each other at parties with mutual friends but he never really flirted or gave any indication that he noticed me. Be it that I couldn’t get a read, I just left it at he must not be interested.
So last weekend we were both at a mutual friends event. Everyone is having a good time and I end up in a long and interesting conversation with an old college friend I hadn’t seen in years. Eventually we exchange numbers with plans to keep in touch and maybe hang out later in the week. As the night wore on it came to my attention that Martin and Harold, the interesting conversation guy, were friends and actually met up with each other at the party, hmm.
Not to long after Harold left everyone started to leave and of course after a night of drinking, breakfast was mentioned. It ended with four us about to go eat, my girl who I came with and I, Dude, the host of the party, and Martin. I’m not exactly sure how this happened as I was quite tipsy and I’m sure it was at my girl’s suggestion (she’s the only one aware that I was ever interested in Martin) but Martin and I end up going to his place to wait for my girl and Dude to come back with the food, hmm.
At this point I have to remind myself that I swore to tell the whole truth so I’ll go ahead and add that while waiting we did end up doing some high school like making out, no clothes were taken off, no sparks flew.
Fast forward to Tuesday at this point both of them are texting me, Harold more so than Martin but this is the night that Martin asked me to “come watch a movie with him.” So began the big question marks. Clearly Martin wants to finish what was started but is that all? Could there be a reveal that he’s actually noticed me all this time or am I just being the average hopeful chick in thinking that? And what about his friend Harold, a really nice guy who at first, made it clear that he’s not looking for anything more than a friend right now but would like to hang out and get to know me better.
Well I didn’t go “watch a movie” with Martin because clearly he was expecting one thing and one thing only and I couldn’t give it to him without me feeling like I would be playing myself, plus there was still Harold. I couldn’t sleep with his good friend then go hang out with him.
So I went on what felt like a date with Harold, I’m thinking I should have let some time pass before going out with him because clearly he’s interested in me but he’s just doing what nice guys do and take things slow and not try to come on to strong. I appreciate that dearly. But now we’re at the point where if I hadn’t been mentioned between the two of them I soon will be. Now I can’t really say anything to Martin without becoming a Bitch in the eyes of Harold or maybe the both of them. I don’t know if I was supposed to just choose one in the beginning and just go with that choice and forget about the other guy, if I had done that I would have chose Martin. But because of how it played out, I’m thinking the best thing to do is to just leave them both alone and wait for the next guy. This is why I’m single. What do you think?


How I looked. 1:00a.m.

Date?

Okay so I'm getting ready to go on a "date." I'll explain the quotation marks later in a Sexless in Chi-City post. You can check out the first Sexless column here.
Anyway I don't know what to wear!!! Today is better but its still HOT as hell outside. We're going to a poetry thing and I want to wear the dress, but I think I look a bit more irresistible in jeans. I've had the dress for about a year and the shirt and belt for about a month or so and have worn neither. Don't know what to do... 5:17p.m.

Co-Worker 2.0

Ahhh early morning walk down Michigan Ave. on my way to the job I hate, trying to get some peace within and enjoy the walk before I get there. Peace was slightly interrupted before I even open the door to the job.
As I round the corner and approach the job I notice my co- worker at a car with a lady, clearly it was his lady, which was confirmed with a kiss shared between them. After seeing this I figured it was his “baby mama.” I smiled to myself thinking how caught up he would be if I were any of the other ladies he’s tried getting with at the job. I wondered if he saw me as well and how was he about to act for the duration of our shifts if he did.
Apparently he had not seen me because to my surprise before we even clocked in, he was flirting with me, as usual. Shaking your head right?
As he gently touched me and made eye contact with a sly smile saying things like “ I’m working with my favorite people today” and “ you looking real good today.” I started thinking of how I would bring up what I’d witnessed before work. Would I go guerilla warfare style and “who was that, your girlfriend I saw you kissing! And you got the nerve to be all up in my face.” Or would I just play along with his flirting and tell all the girls what I saw while smiling in his face, or do my usual thing and leave it alone, it’s not like I was really interested in him to begin with so what’s the big deal?
Well I didn’t quit do either. The next time he came my way getting all in my personal space and taking the liberty of placing his hand on my waist I just asked if that was his girlfriend I saw him with this morning?
Huh? Eyebrows furrowed and head tilted to the side, confused smile takes over his face and I start chuckling. Trying not full out laugh in his face, I sweetly say the girl I saw you kissing this morning, was that your girlfriend?”
“Kissing? I don’t remember that.” Of course he did the deny thing. Why I don’t know, he said some other stuff before finally saying “oh yea, that was my baby mama, maybe I did kiss her.”
This is why I’m single.