The Reluctant Creative

I reached for my phone today, to take a picture of the mess of magazines and papers surrounding me and just as I had it in my grasp, it rang. It was Twilight. Twilight was calling to motivate me, to share with me, to let me know I was not not forgotten and that I won't be because I have something to offer.

This has been the gloomiest of weekends, non-stop rain, and little to no sun and none of the warmth it usually has to give. I accomplished little in the way of overall goals and as usual was feeling a way about it but not so horrible as it can get be it that I did take care of other business like getting my brakes fixed and cleaning up, along with babysitting my nephews and niece etc.
And so it was when I answered the phone a break. I listened. I felt, and as always I thought. My friend was speaking and as he did I realized I was failing. He was offering me theses rich experiences that I wanted to be able to receive reciprocally, but had no new experiences of my own to volunteer, so I was mostly quiet and this let the thoughts of failure creep in.

He said a couple things I wish I could repeat verbatim but all I can remember really is the line "keep telling yourself no" the first part to that was something about people wanting to do all these things they were meant to or would like to do and them turn around and tell themselves no. Either no they can't or no because they need the job they have or no for no sake but they don't do what they really want to. I started questioning why I do this. What is this reluctance to embrace those desires being what makes me, me. How is it that all my life I've loved words, clothes, images but have never really felt I could be a part of that world. What is this notion of outsider-ness that keeps me from being a full time creative. It's as though I haven't created anything when in fact I have and do. Is this the fear factor veering its head again? Is it mostly to do with growing up in a place that only prizes "real" jobs with real money? Or is it that I don't feel I'm good enough at anything to be accepted as part of it?

Who knows, certainly not I but I'm certainly working on it. Twilight closed by telling me time is not real and money is not real. He said creating without thinking about bills is liberating. And all I know is I'm trying to get free. 8:24p.m.

Pills and Twitter

Discovered Style Pantry, its the chick pictured above blog. I think the look above is awesome, pretty and colorful. The way her blog is set up I probably won't be going back soon though.

Just watched Limitless, and I feel like I need only two or three of those pills, no side effects. Anyway did I mention I have a twitter account now? Its JakinaAdo. I don't frequent it though, I'm not against Twitter, I just have yet to see it for its maximum potential, I have 22 tweets as of today, two are direct answers to an old friend and a co-worker, most of the rest are from my tumblr posts being directly linked to it, I don't see much changing about that anytime soon. Other than that, I'm still on this loosing streak, thats not to say I'm upset or anything, just that the story has yet to change and the answers outside of working harder are still a mystery to me, hence why I need two or three of those pills.

Almost forgot, if you are any bit of a slacker, watch Oprah's Master Class on herself, you might not stop procrastinating all together but you'll feel inspired for a day or two.

Didn't know this was out there...

...till I goggled my name in search of old writing samples/clips from college and The Chicago Defender. Hmm, for the make-up artists take on how things went down click here. 10:11p.m.

Funny the way things come together.

So Sunday I met with a web designer named Renetrice.
While on lunch at Retail Hell a cashier came in the break room to begin her shift. I'd just heard no more than an hour before that this particular co-worker may be graphically inclined and was going around the Hell looking for the person she heard was a photographer about a week or so ago to possibly collaborate. A few minutes into my lunch and here she comes, I ask if she designs websites and she furrows a brow and says no, where did I hear that? After some explaining she and I finds out not only that I'm the photographer but that she's an actress, mostly theatre and she has a friend who does websites and graphic design. Unexpectedly she hands me the phone to talk to her web developer friend Renetrice on he other end, she and I agree to set up a time to meet later which leads us to Sunday.

She was awesome, and I really feel like the search for someone to take on this responsibility is over. She is a typography geek, which allows her to truly relate to my love of paper. Like every other creative person, she does a trillion other creative things in conjunction with living a "regular" life. And she's from Louisiana. We have a way to go, on this but she's willing to work with me, for that I am genuinely grateful. For more of what she does click here to be taken to her website, pop pour sip.com (click on the words to get past the homepage).

The process won't officially start until I drop that deposit in a month or so but that's one thing scratched off. To celebrate I went to Forever 21 and accidentally spent $17.78 on some bangles and a bracelet. My last splurge (*with the exception of the extra discount days at retail hell) pretty much of 2011, that has nothing to do with the magazine/company. I know how backward that move was but I just had to get it out before I quit cold turkey like that.
Now off to bed, accompanying my Real Estate maven friend to her cover shoot tomorrow for some Chicago real estate magazine she wrote a column for, details on that later. 1:05a.m.

tumblr

Click here to be linked to the tumblr blog I started about a week ago. I think its much better for my photography so I'll post most of that there and keep this for the stories :). jakinaado.tumblr.com and Im starting a twitter soon as well, maybe tonight when I get back from meeting with this web designer. 2:15p.m.

Asylum Sundays

Went to Le Fleur de Lis (301 East 43rd Street)for Asylum Sundays. K'Love fucking killed, yet again. I've seen this chick in person 2 or 3 times and I must say that her poem last Sunday inspired by the power of positive thought was the icing on the cake.

This is Senyo, family. Behind him is Patience. This girl, the first time I heard her she did a poem about "seeing Africa from her bedroom" then last Sunday she sang her cover of Gnarles Barkley, Crazy, (a song I honestly can see why people like it, but did not do the same for me) and blew me the fuck away. Like I need to know where I can download that shit, I mean I really did not see that coming.

Yes, my homie is the shit and I swear he gets better every time I see him do his thing.

My girl Tenesha from high school got up there and surprised me. It was her first time on the mic and I had no idea she even wrote poems.

The night was full of Chicago's finest. It wasn't my first Asylum Sunday but I was inspired none the less. The venue used to be the negro league cafe, where I've been before on dates, and for fashion shoes before it closed and reopened as Le Fleur de Lis. I honestly prefer the old name but the new decor works and hopefully the Black community can keep it open, it's like one of OUR few hot spots. 11:14p.m.

Gaze Keepers

Kwesi Abbensetts has adopted a tumblr blog and keeps his perspective simultaneously fresh and dark. Love it, he inspires me so.

The guy in the photo(s) is Harold Green an amazing Chicago bred poet. He's awesome and whoever this photographer Nicolette Stanton is, is as well. Will be looking her up later tonight.

Can't remember where I found this but this is the into to a fashion editorial, the pic says photos by Ee Berger. Gotta look her? up to.

This is from The Sartorialist, can't you tell :)

Just thought I'd take a second to show what I see, images that sparked me within the last couple days/weeks.9:10p.m. Listening to Left Side Drive -Solange.
Click photos to enlarge.

Back at the start...

These are some of the first photos I did with my very first digital camera. I've been thinking about the last shoot I did and all the million things that went wrong, and all the things I want to do with this life and my time here on Earth. A couple phrases come to mind like "Can't Stop Won't Stop" "Live everyday like its your last" and a few more cliches. I'm not so sure about the hold up but even almost halfway into this year, I'm still feeling like I'm gone make it out on top, as scheduled. Prioritize, focus, accomplish. I'm open.
P.S. Happy 1 Year Anniversary to the No Further Ado blog 5:21p.m.